“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.” – Henry David Thoreau
I applied to a Masters Program recently.
I didn't tell too many people, because... I don't know, so I didn't have to explain myself? Or why at 54 I would decide to pursue such a thing? Is it worth it? Would it help my 'career'? Is it the right forum to support and explore my latest project 'Camisole de Force'?
I don't know the answers, but I thought I would 'try'.
I leaned onto friends and colleagues for recommendation letters.
(I cried when I read them.)
They all said what a glorious thing this would be for me and the university I applied to.
The environment was attractive both artistically and geographically. And I had family there, a whole support network in place that would be welcoming. And the deadline, I stumbled across and I had to work fast, but I did it!
I pictured it happening and threw out all the good vibes and manifesting I could. In my head I was planning for it to be so.
Well, it didn't. And it sucks.
I am not here to get a pity party from anyone, but I want to share that NOT everything works out as we hope and plan for.
And in the moments and days and weeks that follow this news I was trying to find sense in it, and some form of inspiration. Like a 'Oh Yeah??? I'll show you and I will get back to work to churn out amazing art and you'll see!!!'
But I couldn't.
I feel defeat and a loss of direction. I was so sure it was part of my journey. I. Was. So. Sure.
I was hard on myself for not bouncing back.
So I just took about 3 days to NOT do anything art or career related AND not feel bad about it.
Sometimes we just need to mourn events in our life.
And be open enough to find the compensation.